The Consensual Project has a new friend: dating, sex, and relationships blogger, Meredith Fineman. By using her humor, wit, and seemingly unending supply of jeggings, Meredith chronicles the dating world through the unique twist of going on 50 first dates within the Jewish community. Her blog: Fifty First (J)Dates (or, “the FFJD” if you’re into the brevity thing like me) is where you’ll find all of her escapades.
After Meredith consented to answer some of my questions via email, I jumped on the opportunity to share what consent looks like on the front lines for this dating blogger. It brings me joy to bring to you the FFJD in its entire consensual splendor.
The Consensual Project: How have you experienced consent while writing FFJD?
Meredith: Of course. Writing about your personal life (that affects others you’re going on dates with), I was sure to ask the other person if it was okay to (anonymously) write about them.
TCP: Would you be willing to share some of your moves, namely your tips for dating?
M: Don’t lie about yourself if you’re doing online dating. It only makes meeting up in person more awkward.
Be upfront. I think we’re past the age of playing games. Some people never will be, but pick up the phone and ask a girl out. It beats texting and gchat any day. I guarantee a girl will think more of you for it.
TCP: I know a lot of people I’ve talked with feel intimidated to ask for things in a romantic context. Aside from your swagger, is there something that helps you express yourself?
M: Hmm, I express myself through fashion and my writing! But do you mean physically and sexually? I think that once you are comfortable enough with someone you are dating it’s really important to ask for what you want. And not be afraid to ask.
TCP: Can you remember the best conversation you had about consent? If so, what was it?
M: I had a great conversation with a fan who was afraid to ask the boy she was dating about a particular fetish of hers, which was tickling. I gave her a script and was able to coach her into feeling comfortable enough to ask for what she wants.
TCP: Of the ways to step up your game outlined on TCP’s website, which of them do you like the most? Why?
M: Wit as being part of a great “game.” I use wit in my blog, The FFJD, and I hope that with a little humor everyone can be happier and more comfortable.
TCP: Thanks so much for agreeing to do this interview! You definitely reinforced why discussions like these are a phenomenal way to learn more about consent. You’re welcome back any time!
